Worst Bridesmaid Dresses

Bridesmaid.  The word has varying effects on people, depending on their past experiences.  For some, it was an honor just to be asked.  For others, it was a taffeta nightmare.

Some brides choose bridesmaid dresses that they are absolutely sure their bridesmaids will look terrible in.  That’s called, “I have low self esteem and want to make sure I’m the prettiest one in my pictures.”  Other brides have some bridesmaids that will look good in a particular dress, and others who WON’T look good in it.  “It’s not on purpose, Amy.  You’re just fat, is all.”

Other times, brides will choose bridesmaid dresses that they think are absolutely beautiful.  They’d be happy to wear the dress, if they were not the bride, but only a mere bridesmaid.  “And the best thing about it is you can shorten it and wear it again.”  Right?  RIGHT?

Just because it’s fun, and because we sometimes all need a laugh, here are some bridesmaid dresses that are sure to make you glad she DIDN’T ask you.

floppy hats and weirdo flowersfloppy hats and weirdo flowersThis is an easy one to start off on, because this picture is clearly from the seventies, and those dresses are probably still in tact somewhere, because that grade of polyester has the shelf life of a Twinkie.  And you know about Twinkies.

choir groupAgain, we can chalk this up to the crazy days of hallucinogenic drugs and free love.  I just wonder why that one lady on the end got to wear a cape.  Where are all the rest of the capes?  That’s what that brown -haired lady on the other end is thinking, “Where the … is my cape?”

ho ho hoThis one might be even older, but I think that any bride that forces you to dress like Mrs. Claus deserves to have a little Ex Lax slipped into her egg nog.  Just sayin’.

red and whiteThis might very well be from the Eighties, but to me this picture is like one of those “Can you find all the things that are wrong in this picture” things.  Yes.  Yes I can.

blue parasolsThe only thing that would make this OK is if they just came from their dance recital.

blue shinyAnd what you can’t see is the knife in the bridesmaid’s OTHER hand.

gold lameAnd all of the sudden there were a lot of very cold Solid Gold dancers…

flowered and puffyAnd because of this dress, this is the only bridesmaid that showed up.  No, seriously though.  There was only enough fabric for one dress – IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

accordianWha?

victorian nightmareForsooth and verily.  I think I’m gonna puke.

dreamsiclethere’s this

pink whatand this

turquoise whoaand this.  Now tulle is extinct and satin is on the endangered list.

rainbow of awfulnesslike you do.

orange you gladNotice that the bride is wearing camouflage.  That means those dresses are “safety” or “blaze” orange.  Presumably so nobody shoots the bridesmaids during the ceremony.

guys to orange you gladAt the reception, however, all bets are off.

wingsCome on.  Really?

showgirlsThe brunette looks embarrassed, and we can’t even see her face.

whatever floats your boatYet, strangely, none of these people look embarrassed.

naked weddingAnd neither do any of these people.  Can you imagine the phone call on this one?  “Amy, will you be a bridesmaid in my wedding?”  “Um, I don’t really have enough money for  a dress.”  “Oh, that’s OK.  You’ll just need to wear black pumps, a g-string, and some pasties.”  “Wow.  It’s so nice of you to let us wear what we just wear to work.”  “Oh, it’s no problem.  The hat I’m wearing is so amazing that nobody will even notice your nakedness, so I’m sorry about that, but at least Joey’s going to wear his stripey socks and that Elvis clown mask he wore when he got arrested for snorting sand that time.”  “Oh yeah.  Joey’s such a trip.  See you at the wedding!”

What?  I make my own fun.  I swiped a lot of these pictures from Tacky Weddings.  Stay classy.