One of the biggest lies ever told about bridesmaids’ dresses.  This tall tale has been passed on for ages and the time has come to put an end to it.  It can be said that just about any woman, aged 30 and under,  has had  in her possession at least two bridesmaid’s dresses hanging in a dark corner, way in back of her closet.   And what about the matching shoes?  Let’s not even go there!   In the past, especially up until the mid 80’s, bridesmaids dresses were easily recognized, due to their pastel colors, huge bows on the butt, shiny fabrics and profusion of lace oozing from every sleeve, collar and hem.  We challenge these women to get up the nerve to wear these one-time wonders to any other function without feeling the least bit self-conscious.  Yes, bridemaid’s dresses have evolved over the years; and most now can be described as being in some kind of in-between “style limbo“…not quite looking like a bridemaid’s  dress, but still not something to be worn to any other important function.  This is especially true if the bride’s circle of friends is small, and attend many of the same social events.   Who wants to risk being seen in the same get-up?

The cold hard fact is this:  No matter what she may tell you, bridesmaids dresses are more often than not, chosen by the bride and selected with only one day in mind:  Her wedding day.  This is hardwired into her bridal subconscious.   She is unable to help herself, and so should be forgiven. Sure, she may feel guilty about the cost, but usually not at the expense of giving up her dream wedding ideas.   Any potential bridesmaid should be aware of this, and if the request is reasonable enough, be prepared to “suck it up”.

However, this doesn’t leave the bride “off the hook” completely.  She should be sensitive enough to consider each attendant’s best features, and choose colors, styles and fabrics that complement them as a whole.  It may also be a wise move for the bride to organize a meeting and have a civilized group discussion prior to selection.  Fabric swatches and a variety of styles should be made available for study; and if there are any out-of-town attendants, samples and photos should also be dispatched to them as quickly as possible.   In this way, a consensus can be made.

Let’s face it:  In all honesty, the odds of wearing these dresses again are most likely slim to none.   However, the fun and hilarity that goes along with the dress selection process can create memories that will last a lifetime; and  that for entertainment value alone, history will eventually show that it was  a couple hundred of dollars well spent.  Don’t believe me?  Go back and take a look at your mother’s wedding album.

Related posts:

1. Should you buy bridesmaids Dresses Off The Rack?
2. Worst Bridesmaid Dresses
3. Thoughtful Bridesmaids’ Gifts That Don’t Break the Bank!

Some brides choose bridesmaid dresses that they are absolutely sure their bridesmaids will look terrible in.  That’s called, “I have low self esteem and want to make sure I’m the prettiest one in my pictures.”  Other brides have some bridesmaids that will look good in a particular dress, and others who WON’T look good in it.  “It’s not on purpose, Amy.  You’re just fat, is all.”

Other times, brides will choose bridesmaid dresses that they think are absolutely beautiful.  They’d be happy to wear the dress, if they were not the bride, but only a mere bridesmaid.  “And the best thing about it is you can shorten it and wear it again.”  Right?  RIGHT?

Just because it’s fun, and because we sometimes all need a laugh, here are some bridesmaid dresses that are sure to make you glad she DIDN’T ask you.

This is an easy one to start off on, because this picture is clearly from the seventies, and those dresses are probably still in tact somewhere, because that grade of polyester has the shelf life of a Twinkie.  And you know about Twinkies.

Again, we can chalk this up to the crazy days of hallucinogenic drugs and free love.  I just wonder why that one lady on the end got to wear a cape.  Where are all the rest of the capes?  That’s what that brown -haired lady on the other end is thinking, “Where the … is my cape?”

This one might be even older, but I think that any bride that forces you to dress like Mrs. Claus deserves to have a little Ex Lax slipped into her egg nog.  Just sayin’.

This might very well be from the Eighties, but to me this picture is like one of those “Can you find all the things that are wrong in this picture” things.  Yes.  Yes I can.

The only thing that would make this OK is if they just came from their dance recital.

And what you can’t see is the knife in the bridesmaid’s OTHER hand.

And all of the sudden there were a lot of very cold Solid Gold dancers…

And because of this dress, this is the only bridesmaid that showed up.  No, seriously though.  There was only enough fabric for one dress – IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

Wha?

Forsooth and verily.  I think I’m gonna puke.

there’s this

and this

and this.  Now tulle is extinct and satin is on the endangered list.

like you do.

Notice that the bride is wearing camouflage.  That means those dresses are “safety” or “blaze” orange.  Presumably so nobody shoots the bridesmaids during the ceremony.

At the reception, however, all bets are off.

Come on.  Really?

The brunette looks embarrassed, and we can’t even see her face.

Yet, strangely, none of these people look embarrassed.

And neither do any of these people.  Can you imagine the phone call on this one?  “Amy, will you be a bridesmaid in my wedding?”  “Um, I don’t really have enough money for  a dress.”  “Oh, that’s OK.  You’ll just need to wear black pumps, a g-string, and some pasties.”  “Wow.  It’s so nice of you to let us wear what we just wear to work.”  “Oh, it’s no problem.  The hat I’m wearing is so amazing that nobody will even notice your nakedness, so I’m sorry about that, but at least Joey’s going to wear his stripey socks and that Elvis clown mask he wore when he got arrested for snorting sand that time.”  “Oh yeah.  Joey’s such a trip.  See you at the wedding!”

What?  I make my own fun.  I swiped a lot of these pictures from Tacky Weddings.  Stay classy.

Related posts:

1. How to Choose a Bridesmaid Dress Video
2. 15 Things I Learned from Being a Bridesmaid
3. The Truth About Bridesmaids Dresses

Related posts:

1. Worst Bridesmaid Dresses
2. 15 Things I Learned from Being a Bridesmaid
3. How to pick your perfect wedding dress