Are You A Diva Bride?

photo by Corey Ann on Flickr

You’re ordering your wedding cake. It has five layers and you want the layers to be raspberry – lemon – raspberry – lemon – raspberry. The baker’s assistant writes it down switching it so it says lemon – raspberry – lemon……You do:

1. Politely point out the error before the baker pulls out the baking pans and gets to cooking.
2. Shriek “It’s raspberry then lemon!” and burst into tears.
3. Call your fiancé and make him explain it. He’s the negotiator.

You are trying on your wedding dress for a fitting. They need to fix the neckline. You:

1. Ask someone at the shop the status of fixing the neckline.
2. Throw your wedding veil in the air and run through the store saying, “They’ve damaged my dress!”
3. Tell your mother and let her talk to the store.

A bridesmaid is not getting the invitations ordered or her other duties done. You need to help get her organized – quick! You:

1. Have lunch with her and find out what is going on – help create a plan for her.
2. Cry on the phone to her that she is ruining your wedding and then cry to your other 5 bridesmaids about her for two hours.
3. Ask your future mother-in-law for advice and let her replace the bridesmaid with a cousin.

The caterer is asking for a second deposit. You’ve paid them but now they want even more. Your wedding is three weeks away and your fiancé is out-of-town. You:

1. Call the caterer and ask the reason for the additional deposit. Get the information in writing and understand why you need to pay them.
2. Leave work abruptly and go down in person to yell at the manager that he is “wrecking your day” and that he doesn’t understand. Cry on the way back to work and hire a new caterer.
3. Call your parents and in-laws and tell them you need a new caterer.

The band you’ve hired has an emergency and now can’t perform on your wedding. You’ve got to find a replacement – fast. You:

1. Put out the word to family and friends you need a referral to a great band.
2. Cuss out the band manager and tell him you’ll never forget how he tried to ruin your most important day.
3. Call your fiancé and let him decide what to do.

Okay, it’s time to tally up. How did you do?

All A’s: Regina Reasonable Bride – rational and practical, you’ve got it all under control
All B’s: Diana Diva Bride – get out of her way, she’s loud, proud and out of control!
All C’s: Beth Baby Girl Bride – time to grow up before you put on that wedding dress

For the Fellas – A Valentine Proposal?

While The Wedding Gal’s Snarky Cousin isn’t always the most romantic creature in the world, nothing gets me right at the heartstrings like a heartfelt and creative wedding proposal.  It’s a perfect moment in time, or it can be.  It’s not about the right table linens or the perfect bouquet.  It’s not about bridesmaid dresses that could ruin friendships or whether or not to serve shellfish at the reception.  It’s a moment of maximum potential, when two people first make a commitment to spend their lives together.  It’s a fresh, new, unblemished promise – unsullied by seating charts and unruly flower girls.

So you’ve got this perfectly unblemished moment, full of romantic promise and magic, so why not make it happen on what is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year?  St. Valentine’s Day!

I know what you’re thinking.  How could I, The Wedding Gal’s Snarky Cousin, possibly expect you to believe that Valentine’s Day is actually romantic?  A Hallmark holiday that makes every unmatched singleton feel rotten and every person that is in a relationship feel this unfair obligation to buy gifts and confections?  Phooey on Valentine’s Day!  Right?

WRONG!!  St. Valentine, according to one legend, married young lovers in secret when marriage was outlawed by Claudius Gothicus.  St. Valentine kept love alive in a time of war and oppression.  Romantic, huh?  So, in keeping with romantic tradition, here are some do’s and don’t do’s for proposing on Valentine’s Day:

photo by oskay

Say It Sweetly

Conversation Hearts are the best-selling Valentine candy.  Made by Necco, they have been printing little sayings on the heart-shaped treats since the 1860’s.  The kind of conversation heart you can buy today have been around since 1902.  That’s a long history of being a Valentine’s Day staple.  Even though the company has tried to make their treats more current with sayings like “E-mail Me,”  you can go one better and use a fine grit sandpaper to remove the original message and add your own with a food coloring marker.  You can write “Marry Me” on all of them, or you can write what will be her married name on all of them.  She’ll get the idea.

DON’T go to all the trouble of sanding off the little phrases on a gajillion candies and then neglect to have something romantic to say.  You can do it.  Just don’t be all, “I got you this candy” and just stand there and look at her.  Creepy, Dude.

photo by CFei

Nothing Beats a Romantic Dinner

I read somewhere that next to home, restaurants are the most popular place for wedding proposals.  I read somewhere else that 10% of Valentine proposals happen in restaurants.  Somehow that math doesn’t sound right to me, but you can imagine that it happens a lot.  We’ve all seen movies.  Speaking of movies, see the “Don’t” section below for some more tips, but for now I will say DO take her someplace nice.  I know they all tell you to take her to the place you had your first date or the first place you said “I love you.”  If your first date was at McDonald’s, you may not want to propose there.  Unless she really, really likes McDonald’s.  I know I do.  But not enough to get engaged there.  Do say something sweet to her.

DON’T put her ring in food or drink of any kind.  Why?  Why would you a) get chocolate or crab dip or champagne all over her nice new ring or b) take the chance that she’ll swallow it and then have to go to the ER and eventually have to have the darn thing removed or….worse?  Don’t do it.

photo by autiscy

Say It Loud, Say It Proud

Use a billboard, a scoreboard, a sky-writing airplane, or an ad before a movie showing, but ONLY IF YOU KNOW SHE’S GOING TO SAY YES!!!

DON’T go to all the trouble, expense, and possibility for public humiliation if you have any doubt in your mind that she’s going to balk.

There you have it, Guys.  Don’t say I never gave you anything.

The Running of the Brides

Twice yearly, Filene’s department store sponsors  a  well known event that is recognized around the world wide as The “Running of the Brides”.   On the selected day(s), brides line up at the door to participate in a race, in search of their dream wedding gown.   Many have already brought along lawn chairs, tents and sleeping bags in anticipation of being amongst the first to grab the best bargains.

The gowns selected for sale are usually available due to cancelled orders, cancelled weddings, or shops needing to relieve their inventory.  Many famous labels are included and gowns are usually priced at astonishingly low prices.   This “no holds barred” event begins when the doors open and a flood of  mostly women, race in to grab as many gowns as possible.  Future brides often enlist the help of friends and family members to assist them in the free-for-all.  The  vast rows of gown –filled racks are said to be often cleared in less than a minute . This race  is not for the fainthearted, nor is it the time to be picky in making selections.    After all of the initial chaos is over, the real work begins.

Each participant then examines the arms full of gowns to determine whether anything is worth keeping or trying on.   Soon the real “wheeling and dealing” begins!  Negotiations involve trading amongst the group for correct styles, sizes and prices.  Many purchasers enjoy the fun and the high energy surrounding the event, and so attend with a  specific shopping strategy in mind.  In any case, fun can be had by all.

And yes, men can also attend….if they dare!

Wedding Tips – How to Deal With Kids?

How to Entertain Kids at Your Wedding (by The Wedding Gal’s Snarky Cousin)

Somehow I bet a lot of things take precedence in your wedding-occupied bridal mind over the kids that will be at your wedding.  You’ve got the flowers, the dress, the rings, the bridesmaids, and a thousand other things to think about.  Take my advice, though, Dearest.  Put a little bit of thought into what you’re going to do with the adorable little kiddies that will be running willy-nilly around your reception.

Now, if you’re one of those brides who plans to specify “no kids” at the ceremony, reception, or both, you can stop reading now.  On second thought…maybe read a little further.  See, you have friends and family members who likely have children.  They like to bring their children to weddings, because they get to dress said children up in adorable outfits and take beacoup pictures of them.  If you tell these friends and family member that they cannot bring their precious darlings to your nuptials…well…you can just kiss that gift goodbye.  That’s all I’m saying.

Anywhoo, provided you care more about the toaster and less about the disruption of those adorable little rugrats, you’ll need to figure out something to do to keep them entertained.  Otherwise they run around and start pulling the long dresses over their head, attacking the buffet table, pushing Uncle Morty’s wheelchair around (with Uncle Morty still in it) and they basically wreak all kinds of havoc.

I will tell you now that the absolute biggest favor you can do for yourself is to hire a babysitter for your wedding.  Depending on the size of the wedding and how many kids are coming, maybe hire two babysitters.  Ask your sister-in-law or your Aunt Patty to recommend someone, and just pay them the going rate to hang with the kids and keep them happy during the reception.  If the parents don’t care if the kids are present during the ceremony, go ahead and let the kids play with the babysitter throughout that.  They don’t want to see your ceremony anyway, and it will save the videographer having to edit out “I’m hungry!” or “Jessie just pooped!” from your vows.  Yes folks, I’m speaking from experience.

Make sure the babysitter has lots of games, crayons and coloring books, snacks, and other things to keep the kids occupied.  If your reception is a standard 4-hour reception, you might even think about getting a separate room so that the kids can watch a movie.  Basically, just think about all the stuff you’d wished they’d had at weddings you went to when YOU were a kid and do that.  It doesn’t cost a lot of money, and your guests who are the parents of the kids will appreciate your thoughtful consideration of their little bundles of joy.

photo by tobybarnes

15 Things I Learned from Being a Bridesmaid

Being a bridesmaid is a great honor but for grown-ups, being the bridesmaid, or worse, the maid of honor for one of your best friends can be an experience that you may not want to repeat too often or ever again!

Here are 15 things I learned as a bridesmaid veteran of five weddings:

1. Remember it’s not your day!  The bride is the center of attention and it is her big day so be prepared to cater for her every whim.  After all, as bridesmaid you only have to deal with Little Miss’ tantrums and spats for a few rehearsals and the day of the wedding, after that the poor guy she’s marrying has to deal with her for life;
2. While you may not be the center of attention as far as the wedding is concerned, you can be assured of being the center of attention for lots of guys!  I should know because I met my husband when I was a bridesmaid for the 4^th time but be careful if you are thinking this will be a great way to find a catch because:
3. Never, and I mean NEVER! Let a guy open the door and escort you if he calls you “Sugar”, “Babe” or worse, “Sugarbabe!”;
4. Do not let a bride convince you to wear grapevine as headgear.  Yes you can still find it, on a remote hillside in South Carolina on property owned by a gun toting hillbilly aged 72 and related to Jed Clampett as both his brother and second uncle;
5. Wearing woven grapevine leaves marks, both physical and emotional, which last for up to 6 months, if you have the choice, wear a crown of thorns instead;
6. Glue guns are a great invention for people who want to stick things and are not worried about whether they will explode or not – just remember that glue guns do overheat and will overheat because they are going to get a lot of use and as bridesmaid, you have to pitch in;
7. Brides want everyone to wear matching ear rings so be prepared to get your ears pierced if you haven’t already done so;
8. If you are asked to write a speech, do not retell the time when your “Best Friend”, who is getting married, was violently ill after drinking too much and ended the evening clinging to the toilet, swearing the world was ending and she couldn’t let it go because there was an earthquake (we lived in Ohio at the time);
9. If you are serious about catching the bouquet when the bride throws it, make sure you are wearing an outfit which will hold you in, as falling out of the top of your dress while stretching for the flowers can be very revealing resulting in more guys calling you “Sugar”, “Babe” etc;
10. Do NOT get drunk at the reception!;
11. The old saying, “Always a bridesmaid and never a bride!” is simply not true, I’m happily married to my husband whom I met when serving as a bridesmaid at wedding number 4;
12. Do everything you can to convince the bride that bridesmaid can get out of their dresses and into practical dress as soon as possible for the evening.  If she won’t budge on this, make sure the bridesmaids dresses are comfortable and practical if you have to spend the day in them;
13. The same applies to shoes!
14. Buying gifts for the bride and groom should really be about getting them things they will enjoy – people buy the most boring and unoriginal gifts which cost a fortune but the ones that make an impression are the ones where a lot of thought has gone into them;
15. Being a bridesmaid for five friends I am not interested in repeating the experience unless by new baby girl really wants me to do it for her !

Danforth Diamond, online wedding jewelry and fine engagement rings.