My Wedding Ideas - Cheap Wedding Ideas & Creative Wedding Tips » Wedding Humor

15 Things I Learned from Being a Bridesmaid

Michelle — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:12:42 +0000

Being a bridesmaid is a great honor but for grown-ups, being the bridesmaid, or worse, the maid of honor for one of your best friends can be an experience that you may not want to repeat too often or ever again!

Here are 15 things I learned as a bridesmaid veteran of five weddings:

Remember it’s not your day! The bride is the center of attention and it is her big day so be prepared to cater for her every whim. After all, as bridesmaid you only have to deal with Little Miss’ tantrums and spats for a few rehearsals and the day of the wedding, after that the poor guy she’s marrying has to deal with her for life;
While you may not be the center of attention as far as the wedding is concerned, you can be assured of being the center of attention for lots of guys! I should know because I met my husband when I was a bridesmaid for the 4^th time but be careful if you are thinking this will be a great way to find a catch because:
Never, and I mean NEVER! Let a guy open the door and escort you if he calls you “Sugar”, “Babe” or worse, “Sugarbabe!”;
Do not let a bride convince you to wear grapevine as headgear. Yes you can still find it, on a remote hillside in South Carolina on property owned by a gun toting hillbilly aged 72 and related to Jed Clampett as both his brother and second uncle;
Wearing woven grapevine leaves marks, both physical and emotional, which last for up to 6 months, if you have the choice, wear a crown of thorns instead;
Glue guns are a great invention for people who want to stick things and are not worried about whether they will explode or not – just remember that glue guns do overheat and will overheat because they are going to get a lot of use and as bridesmaid, you have to pitch in;
Brides want everyone to wear matching ear rings so be prepared to get your ears pierced if you haven’t already done so;
If you are asked to write a speech, do not retell the time when your “Best Friend”, who is getting married, was violently ill after drinking too much and ended the evening clinging to the toilet, swearing the world was ending and she couldn’t let it go because there was an earthquake (we lived in Ohio at the time);
If you are serious about catching the bouquet when the bride throws it, make sure you are wearing an outfit which will hold you in, as falling out of the top of your dress while stretching for the flowers can be very revealing resulting in more guys calling you “Sugar”, “Babe” etc;
Do NOT get drunk at the reception!;
The old saying, “Always a bridesmaid and never a bride!” is simply not true, I’m happily married to my husband whom I met when serving as a bridesmaid at wedding number 4;
Do everything you can to convince the bride that bridesmaid can get out of their dresses and into practical dress as soon as possible for the evening. If she won’t budge on this, make sure the bridesmaids dresses are comfortable and practical if you have to spend the day in them;
The same applies to shoes!
Buying gifts for the bride and groom should really be about getting them things they will enjoy – people buy the most boring and unoriginal gifts which cost a fortune but the ones that make an impression are the ones where a lot of thought has gone into them;
Being a bridesmaid for five friends I am not interested in repeating the experience unless by new baby girl really wants me to do it for her !

What Not To Do At A Wedding Shower

Wedding Gal's Snarky Cousin — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 05:49:35 +0000

Wedding showers are all about the bride. Sometimes you know her really well and the shower is a happy, fun-filled occasion. Other times, you barely know the girl and you have no idea how to act, what to get her, or what to say. In each situation and every one in between, here is a cardinal list of rules of what not to do at ANY wedding shower.

Unless it’s ONE OF THOSE Showers, Stay Away from Inappropriate Gifts

Unless the shower is designated for gifts of the *ahem* more intimate nature, stay away from sex toys and risque lingerie. One famous story is floating around the internet that regards a ninety-year-old grandmother who was so offended at a shower gift that she spit her dentures out and stormed away. We want to avoid offended grandmothers.

Keep Your History To Yourself

There are countless stories out there about girls who attend the bridal showers of women who are marrying their ex boyfriends. Maybe that’s not clear, so let’s put it into second person narrative. You’re at a shower. The girl who is getting married is getting married to a guy you used to date. Whatever you do, do not talk about your relationship with this girl’s groom-to-be. It’s in poor taste and makes everyone feel awkward.

Other Don’ts

Don’t:

tell dirty jokes
get naked
encourage anybody else to get naked
get wasted
get wasted and naked
be mean to the bride
be mean to the bride’s mother, grandmother, sister, best friend, etc.

If you follow these simple rules, you should be fine. If you think of something other than one of these things to do to offend people, PULEASE write to tell me about it.

More Theme Wedding Madness

Wedding Gal's Snarky Cousin — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 20:44:10 +0000

It is a relief to see that there are some people out there who just don’t give a darn how they look. Not even on their wedding day.

I guess that’s not fair. They DO care how they look, they just choose to look like a cartoon character or superhero. Sure. Why not? I mean, if you’re going to do it, do it right. Make sure people remember it. Make sure, for instance, that they remember that you came to your wedding dressed as Wonder Woman, and that your groom dressed like Batman.

Holy Are-You-Kidding Me, Batman!

Lucky for these folks, both Batman and Wonder Woman were part of Justice League of America in The Brave and the Bold #28, otherwise we’d take issue. We already have to overlook the fact that these wackadoos were attended by Robin (that’s OK), the Joker (WTF?), Yoda (Come on, now), The Incredibles (Really?), Iron Man, Poison Ivy, and The Incredible Hulk (MARVEL COMICS, HELLO?!?!?!) The bridesmaids came dressed in PowerPuff Girls costumes. Oh, the humanity. Step all over those of who who LIKE comic books, why don’t you?

Or, take these folks, who decided to kick it old, old, old, old school.

Yabba Dabba...oh whatever.

They actually said, “I yabba dabba do” in their vows. Oh the sweet injustice of it all. At least these people were purist. The bride was attended by Betty Rubble, Barney Rubble stood up as best man, the children attendants were dressed as Bamm-Bamm, and the guests all dressed as cavemen. Er, cave people. My, my.

This one is the real kicker, though. What would the cleaning bills cost to get all that GREEN PAINT off the wedding dress?

Really?

I get it that you saw Shrek on your first date. I get that you liked it. I liked it too. A lot. I watch it pretty often still. But what on earth did your mother say when you told her you wanted to paint yourself completely green and wear fake ears on your wedding day? Did she cry? I kind of did, when I heard about this. And the groom. He’s 53! Did he just not give a crap? And what’s with the clown character in the back? Are you TRYING to give me a heart attack?

Oh well, right? As long as they are happy, that is what matters….

Worst Bridesmaid Dresses

Wedding Gal's Snarky Cousin — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 02:58:36 +0000

Bridesmaid. The word has varying effects on people, depending on their past experiences. For some, it was an honor just to be asked. For others, it was a taffeta nightmare.

Some brides choose bridesmaid dresses that they are absolutely sure their bridesmaids will look terrible in. That’s called, “I have low self esteem and want to make sure I’m the prettiest one in my pictures.” Other brides have some bridesmaids that will look good in a particular dress, and others who WON’T look good in it. “It’s not on purpose, Amy. You’re just fat, is all.”

Other times, brides will choose bridesmaid dresses that they think are absolutely beautiful. They’d be happy to wear the dress, if they were not the bride, but only a mere bridesmaid. “And the best thing about it is you can shorten it and wear it again.” Right? RIGHT?

Just because it’s fun, and because we sometimes all need a laugh, here are some bridesmaid dresses that are sure to make you glad she DIDN’T ask you.

This is an easy one to start off on, because this picture is clearly from the seventies, and those dresses are probably still in tact somewhere, because that grade of polyester has the shelf life of a Twinkie. And you know about Twinkies.

Again, we can chalk this up to the crazy days of hallucinogenic drugs and free love. I just wonder why that one lady on the end got to wear a cape. Where are all the rest of the capes? That’s what that brown -haired lady on the other end is thinking, “Where the … is my cape?”

This one might be even older, but I think that any bride that forces you to dress like Mrs. Claus deserves to have a little Ex Lax slipped into her egg nog. Just sayin’.

This might very well be from the Eighties, but to me this picture is like one of those “Can you find all the things that are wrong in this picture” things. Yes. Yes I can.

The only thing that would make this OK is if they just came from their dance recital.

And what you can’t see is the knife in the bridesmaid’s OTHER hand.

And all of the sudden there were a lot of very cold Solid Gold dancers…

And because of this dress, this is the only bridesmaid that showed up. No, seriously though. There was only enough fabric for one dress – IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

Wha?

Forsooth and verily. I think I’m gonna puke.

there’s this

and this

and this. Now tulle is extinct and satin is on the endangered list.

like you do.

Notice that the bride is wearing camouflage. That means those dresses are “safety” or “blaze” orange. Presumably so nobody shoots the bridesmaids during the ceremony.

At the reception, however, all bets are off.

Come on. Really?

The brunette looks embarrassed, and we can’t even see her face.

Yet, strangely, none of these people look embarrassed.

And neither do any of these people. Can you imagine the phone call on this one? “Amy, will you be a bridesmaid in my wedding?” “Um, I don’t really have enough money for a dress.” “Oh, that’s OK. You’ll just need to wear black pumps, a g-string, and some pasties.” “Wow. It’s so nice of you to let us wear what we just wear to work.” “Oh, it’s no problem. The hat I’m wearing is so amazing that nobody will even notice your nakedness, so I’m sorry about that, but at least Joey’s going to wear his stripey socks and that Elvis clown mask he wore when he got arrested for snorting sand that time.” “Oh yeah. Joey’s such a trip. See you at the wedding!”

What? I make my own fun. I swiped a lot of these pictures from Tacky Weddings. Stay classy.

Lauren and J.P.’s Music Video – A Discussion With Myself

Wedding Gal's Snarky Cousin — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 13:23:28 +0000

Face it. Your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life. You’ll want to remember it in every way possible. You’ll want more photographs than were taken. You’ll want more video than you have. You’ll want many, many reminders.

So why not pay some hipster DJ to mix up and edit a video of your wedding and turn it into some weirdo music video? Sure! Because you don’t want to remember the day as it WAS. You want to remember it the way that some guy in skinny jeans mixed it in his uber hip studio (or mom’s garage) a few days after the wedding. Right?

Lauren + JP from Matt Odom on Vimeo.

Actually, the video is pretty cute, and the couple is from La Grange, GA, which is a super cute little town. I spent a week there one day. But seriously folks. It is a cute town. As for the video…I’d be curious to hear what Lauren and J.P. think after about 6 or 7 years, wouldn’t you? It will either be a “Gee, Honey. I’m soooo glad we did that” situation, or it will be like when you’re twelve and you’re at the beach, and your friend talks you into going into one of those “Make Your Own Music Video” places where they have, like, two props and you two get up and sing “The Greatest Love of All” by Whitney Houston followed by a rousing rendition of “Walk Like an Egyptian” whilst dancing all willy nilly and then 6 or 7 years later you find the tape and you accidentally watch it in front of your boyfriend who promptly dumps you. Except for in Lauren and J.P.’s situation, that will be their 3 or 4 year old. Who might think it’s cool. But then will surely, in many years, show it to all their snotty teenager friends, who will be like, “What was that band, anyway?”

In other words, is this something that will be cherished. Is it a lasting treasure? Or just a moment’s pleasure?

But seriously. Props to Matt Odom, who just went for it. You go, Matt.

The Benefits of Being a Recession Bride

Michelle — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 22:17:15 +0000

Let’s face it: trying to do anything big and splashy like a wedding is tough, no matter the time you try to do it. But getting married during one of the worst recessions the International economy has ever seen – has been tough on a lot of brides. But do you realize there are actually some benefits to being a recession era bride? Let’s talk about some of the “good” reasons that getting married during the recession isn’t quite so bad after all.

A tighter wedding budget forces you to focus on what’s important. Do you really need calla lilies flown in from an exotic location at every table – or would you rather have delicious food at the reception? Do you really need an open bar all night long – or will a single signature cocktail do the trick? Do you really have to invite your very best friend from summer camp you haven’t seen for ten years – simply because you always wanted to do so? The recession era bride has an easier time of focusing on what is really necessary and needed at her wedding and what can be tossed by the wayside.

Today’s bride is a savvy shopper. Gone are the days when a bride would pick the very first wedding dress that gave her tingles up the back of her neck. The recession era bride knows to go to a variety of wedding dress shops and to take digital photos of the dresses she likes. To do more comparison shopping. Also not to be afraid to ask for a better deal – when a competitor’s shop is offering a coupon the shop you are in just might honor it as well – you never know!

A wedding truly isn’t about what you buy – it’s about what you are doing. Getting a beautiful dress and going on an exotic honeymoon is certainly fun. But the recession era bride realizes more than ever what matters is the special moment she’ll be saying her wedding vows with her husband-to-be. That moment when they’ll kiss for the first time as husband and wife. The treasured father and daughter dance or having her father walk her down the aisle. These special moments can’t be bought in a shop or charged to your credit card.

A recession era bride isn’t afraid to get a little creative. If that banquet hall is just too far out of your budget – or you can’t afford flowers or something else you’ve been dreaming of – the recession era bride doesn’t pout – she gets to thinking! Could she get married in the big backyard of a family friend or at her college or university chapel? Could she visit a flower market on an early morning and buy flowers at a discount or get flowers from the grocery store? Or would small potted plants from a nursery make great centerpieces (sure…why not?) that you just wouldn’t see anywhere else? In another economy that bride might not get as creative – but the recession era bride learns to stretch and expand her thinking like never before.

So if you’re a recession era bride – enjoy the special and treasured moments your wedding day brings. Enjoy being with family and friends and your first day of married life!

Publisher Spotlight: The Broke-Ass Bride (lijit.com)
Create Your Own Stunning Wedding Flower Arrangements (lockergnome.com)
What It Takes To Arrange For Wedding Photos (frommyexperience.com)
White Weddings that are Hot (weddingsetups.com)

Are You A Diva Bride?

Michelle — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:13:46 +0000

Television shows, movies and the media all joke about diva brides. Brides who will go to every length to get what they want. “It’s your day” has now become more of a threat instead of a simple saying about treating the bride well for her wedding day. Are you a diva bride? Let’s talk about a few ways to tell. Take our easy diva bride quiz and check your diva-licious score.

photo by Corey Ann on Flickr

You’re ordering your wedding cake. It has five layers and you want the layers to be raspberry – lemon – raspberry – lemon – raspberry. The baker’s assistant writes it down switching it so it says lemon – raspberry – lemon……You do:

Politely point out the error before the baker pulls out the baking pans and gets to cooking.
Shriek “It’s raspberry then lemon!” and burst into tears.
Call your fiancé and make him explain it. He’s the negotiator.

You are trying on your wedding dress for a fitting. They need to fix the neckline. You:

Ask someone at the shop the status of fixing the neckline.
Throw your wedding veil in the air and run through the store saying, “They’ve damaged my dress!”
Tell your mother and let her talk to the store.

A bridesmaid is not getting the invitations ordered or her other duties done. You need to help get her organized – quick! You:

Have lunch with her and find out what is going on – help create a plan for her.
Cry on the phone to her that she is ruining your wedding and then cry to your other 5 bridesmaids about her for two hours.
Ask your future mother-in-law for advice and let her replace the bridesmaid with a cousin.

The caterer is asking for a second deposit. You’ve paid them but now they want even more. Your wedding is three weeks away and your fiancé is out-of-town. You:

Call the caterer and ask the reason for the additional deposit. Get the information in writing and understand why you need to pay them.
Leave work abruptly and go down in person to yell at the manager that he is “wrecking your day” and that he doesn’t understand. Cry on the way back to work and hire a new caterer.
Call your parents and in-laws and tell them you need a new caterer.

The band you’ve hired has an emergency and now can’t perform on your wedding. You’ve got to find a replacement – fast. You:

Put out the word to family and friends you need a referral to a great band.
Cuss out the band manager and tell him you’ll never forget how he tried to ruin your most important day.
Call your fiancé and let him decide what to do.

Okay, it’s time to tally up. How did you do?

All A’s: Regina Reasonable Bride – rational and practical, you’ve got it all under control
All B’s: Diana Diva Bride – get out of her way, she’s loud, proud and out of control!
All C’s: Beth Baby Girl Bride – time to grow up before you put on that wedding dress

For the Fellas – A Valentine Proposal?

Wedding Gal's Snarky Cousin — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 22:03:28 +0000

While The Wedding Gal’s Snarky Cousin isn’t always the most romantic creature in the world, nothing gets me right at the heartstrings like a heartfelt and creative wedding proposal. It’s a perfect moment in time, or it can be. It’s not about the right table linens or the perfect bouquet. It’s not about bridesmaid dresses that could ruin friendships or whether or not to serve shellfish at the reception. It’s a moment of maximum potential, when two people first make a commitment to spend their lives together. It’s a fresh, new, unblemished promise – unsullied by seating charts and unruly flower girls.

So you’ve got this perfectly unblemished moment, full of romantic promise and magic, so why not make it happen on what is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year? St. Valentine’s Day!

I know what you’re thinking. How could I, The Wedding Gal’s Snarky Cousin, possibly expect you to believe that Valentine’s Day is actually romantic? A Hallmark holiday that makes every unmatched singleton feel rotten and every person that is in a relationship feel this unfair obligation to buy gifts and confections? Phooey on Valentine’s Day! Right?

WRONG!! St. Valentine, according to one legend, married young lovers in secret when marriage was outlawed by Claudius Gothicus. St. Valentine kept love alive in a time of war and oppression. Romantic, huh? So, in keeping with romantic tradition, here are some do’s and don’t do’s for proposing on Valentine’s Day:

photo by oskay

Say It Sweetly

Conversation Hearts are the best-selling Valentine candy. Made by Necco, they have been printing little sayings on the heart-shaped treats since the 1860′s. The kind of conversation heart you can buy today have been around since 1902. That’s a long history of being a Valentine’s Day staple. Even though the company has tried to make their treats more current with sayings like “E-mail Me,” you can go one better and use a fine grit sandpaper to remove the original message and add your own with a food coloring marker. You can write “Marry Me” on all of them, or you can write what will be her married name on all of them. She’ll get the idea.

DON’T go to all the trouble of sanding off the little phrases on a gajillion candies and then neglect to have something romantic to say. You can do it. Just don’t be all, “I got you this candy” and just stand there and look at her. Creepy, Dude.

photo by CFei

Nothing Beats a Romantic Dinner

I read somewhere that next to home, restaurants are the most popular place for wedding proposals. I read somewhere else that 10% of Valentine proposals happen in restaurants. Somehow that math doesn’t sound right to me, but you can imagine that it happens a lot. We’ve all seen movies. Speaking of movies, see the “Don’t” section below for some more tips, but for now I will say DO take her someplace nice. I know they all tell you to take her to the place you had your first date or the first place you said “I love you.” If your first date was at McDonald’s, you may not want to propose there. Unless she really, really likes McDonald’s. I know I do. But not enough to get engaged there. Do say something sweet to her.

DON’T put her ring in food or drink of any kind. Why? Why would you a) get chocolate or crab dip or champagne all over her nice new ring or b) take the chance that she’ll swallow it and then have to go to the ER and eventually have to have the darn thing removed or….worse? Don’t do it.

photo by autiscy

Say It Loud, Say It Proud

Use a billboard, a scoreboard, a sky-writing airplane, or an ad before a movie showing, but ONLY IF YOU KNOW SHE’S GOING TO SAY YES!!!

DON’T go to all the trouble, expense, and possibility for public humiliation if you have any doubt in your mind that she’s going to balk.

There you have it, Guys. Don’t say I never gave you anything.

The Running of the Brides

Michelle — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 22:31:41 +0000

Twice yearly, Filene’s department store sponsors a well known event that is recognized around the world wide as The “Running of the Brides”. On the selected day(s), brides line up at the door to participate in a race, in search of their dream wedding gown. Many have already brought along lawn chairs, tents and sleeping bags in anticipation of being amongst the first to grab the best bargains.

The gowns selected for sale are usually available due to cancelled orders, cancelled weddings, or shops needing to relieve their inventory. Many famous labels are included and gowns are usually priced at astonishingly low prices. This “no holds barred” event begins when the doors open and a flood of mostly women, race in to grab as many gowns as possible. Future brides often enlist the help of friends and family members to assist them in the free-for-all. The vast rows of gown –filled racks are said to be often cleared in less than a minute . This race is not for the fainthearted, nor is it the time to be picky in making selections. After all of the initial chaos is over, the real work begins.

Each participant then examines the arms full of gowns to determine whether anything is worth keeping or trying on. Soon the real “wheeling and dealing” begins! Negotiations involve trading amongst the group for correct styles, sizes and prices. Many purchasers enjoy the fun and the high energy surrounding the event, and so attend with a specific shopping strategy in mind. In any case, fun can be had by all.

And yes, men can also attend….if they dare!

Wedding Tips – How to Deal With Kids?

Wedding Gal's Snarky Cousin — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 14:54:00 +0000

How to Entertain Kids at Your Wedding (by The Wedding Gal’s Snarky Cousin)

Somehow I bet a lot of things take precedence in your wedding-occupied bridal mind over the kids that will be at your wedding. You’ve got the flowers, the dress, the rings, the bridesmaids, and a thousand other things to think about. Take my advice, though, Dearest. Put a little bit of thought into what you’re going to do with the adorable little kiddies that will be running willy-nilly around your reception.

Now, if you’re one of those brides who plans to specify “no kids” at the ceremony, reception, or both, you can stop reading now. On second thought…maybe read a little further. See, you have friends and family members who likely have children. They like to bring their children to weddings, because they get to dress said children up in adorable outfits and take beacoup pictures of them. If you tell these friends and family member that they cannot bring their precious darlings to your nuptials…well…you can just kiss that gift goodbye. That’s all I’m saying.

Anywhoo, provided you care more about the toaster and less about the disruption of those adorable little rugrats, you’ll need to figure out something to do to keep them entertained. Otherwise they run around and start pulling the long dresses over their head, attacking the buffet table, pushing Uncle Morty’s wheelchair around (with Uncle Morty still in it) and they basically wreak all kinds of havoc.

I will tell you now that the absolute biggest favor you can do for yourself is to hire a babysitter for your wedding. Depending on the size of the wedding and how many kids are coming, maybe hire two babysitters. Ask your sister-in-law or your Aunt Patty to recommend someone, and just pay them the going rate to hang with the kids and keep them happy during the reception. If the parents don’t care if the kids are present during the ceremony, go ahead and let the kids play with the babysitter throughout that. They don’t want to see your ceremony anyway, and it will save the videographer having to edit out “I’m hungry!” or “Jessie just pooped!” from your vows. Yes folks, I’m speaking from experience.

Make sure the babysitter has lots of games, crayons and coloring books, snacks, and other things to keep the kids occupied. If your reception is a standard 4-hour reception, you might even think about getting a separate room so that the kids can watch a movie. Basically, just think about all the stuff you’d wished they’d had at weddings you went to when YOU were a kid and do that. It doesn’t cost a lot of money, and your guests who are the parents of the kids will appreciate your thoughtful consideration of their little bundles of joy.

photo by tobybarnes