Your Mother in Law and Planning Your Wedding

January 20, 2012 by  
Filed under Wedding Planning

We’re about to let you in on what truly smart brides know about their mother in law’s and planning their wedding. Just about every bride knows it is “their” day. They also know that typically the mother in law doesn’t play a big part in the wedding planning. But it is the smart bride who understands that the mother in law typically plays a big part in the family life, and connecting with your mother in law during wedding planning is a great way to develop your future relationship with her.

“Does this mean my mother in law will take over my wedding plans?” Hopefully not! What we’re suggesting is that you invite her to some of the fun wedding planning activities where she can enjoy the experience, without expecting her to make any big decisions. Invite her to one of your wedding dress fittings, so she can see your wedding dress. Invite her to the wedding cake tasting, where you try different types of wedding cake to select your wedding cake.

The best way to do this is to know a bit about your mother in law’s personality and tastes. If your mother in law loves fashion, then talking about your wedding dress and the bridesmaids’ dresses is the ideal topic to connect with her. If she loves food, then bringing her to sample wedding food or wedding cake is perfect. Match the fun activity to her personality and her tastes, and you’ll have a real winner.

You do, however, truly want to avoid a sticky situation. If your mother in law loves to gossip, you don’t want to show her your wedding dress. You don’t want to have her let your fiancé know what your wedding dress looks like before you walk down the aisle. If she has a weight problem, you won’t want to invite her to a wedding cake tasting. If she has expensive tastes and is a bit of a snob at times, you probably are going to want to keep her away from your vendors because you won’t want her to make expensive choices on your flowers, food, wine and other things you’ve already decided on. If she’s very opinionated and “has” to be right, then try to select an activity where the choice has already been made, like bringing her to a wedding dress fitting. So the wedding dress has already been picked out and she can just enjoy seeing the wedding dress. Be the adult and be proactive about managing your mother in law. But do involve her in the process in some way that will be fun for her, because it will help to develop your relationship with her.

You’ll find that most mother in law’s stay rather quiet about their opinions about the wedding. Some think this tradition comes from the bride’s family paying for the wedding, so if the mother in law does not have any financial power, she probably does not feel confident making a decision. But inviting her to see what you’ve picked out, to enjoy something fun and enjoy the excitement of your upcoming wedding is something she certainly won’t want to miss out on. She’ll be thrilled by your joy and probably very touched that you thought to share this moment with her.

Your relationship with your mother in law will very likely last a lifetime, if not the lifetime of the marriage. It makes practical sense to start out on the right foot and develop a good, loving relationship with her. You can probably think of 1 or 2 fun wedding related activities you can invite her to that she would enjoy….why not do it!


Related wedding posts:

  1. Planning Your Wedding- Tips for Dealing with an Overbearing Mother-In-Law
  2. “I Do” or Don’t Wear a Wedding Veil
  3. Easy Ways to be An Organized Bride-to-Be
  4. Should You Buy a Designer Wedding Dress?
  5. Five Wedding Planning Mistakes

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